I Left My Heart In Papworth General

Found a nice little cove 
  Where nobody else goes 
  Took a trip round the Caves of Drach 
  And said: “It's good to explore the more cultural aspects” 

  Hedley Verityesque 
  She passed into folklore 
  Trod on the lines in the pavement 
  And said: “There's no room for enigmas in built up areas” 

  Sweats who think they're hard 
  (Sweats who think they're hard) 
  My head no end do in 
  (Head no end do in) 

  Brakes fail in the rain 
  Down memory lane 
  Come re-live my paper round with me 
  And I don't see any more 
  (I don't see any more) 
  Pent up Alsatians 
  They used to wait by the door 
  And say: “It's nice to know you're here it's nice to know you're here” 
  And I don't want any more 
  (I don't want any more) 
  Stark German film noirs 
  And I could well do without 
  The hand-clapping sequence at the end of Blockbusters 

  You were in my hall 
  Now you're on my wall 
  Peter Sarstedt, Mr Irony 
  Get in the hole 

  In some warm lagoon 
  (In some warm lagoon) 
  I'll be with Ayshea soon 
  (Be with Ayshea soon) 

  Brakes fail in the rain 
  Down memory lane 
  Come re-live my paper round with me 
  And I don't see any more 
  (I don't see any more) 
  Big mad Alsatians 
  They used to wait by the door 
  And sing: “It's nice to know you're here, it's nice to know you're here” 

  And I don't need any more 
  (I don't need any more) 
  Stark German film noirs 
  And I could well do without 
  The hand-clapping sequence at the end of Blockbusters 
  When all of the audience try to convince themselves 
  That what they are doing is silly but acceptable 
  And the only thing I can say is: “Oh Kip Keino”