Pretentious Friends

oh no, oh no, oh no, oh i know
oh, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh i know (x2) 
i run shit in this house 
like i was now or never 
with no effort 
i bet you i could change my name to Klaus 
or something mildy Flemish 
pick up a saudi chemist 
from an Orange County dentist 
ouch, i’m whistling, trading and eating 
now poetry readings at AA meetings 
i text you pictures of my keister 
i’m serving some dead bodies from a Middle-Eastern skirmish 
damn, i’m oh so scooty 
a bro gropes boobies 
have sex with Snow White 
at the gym, on pedal bikes 
replenishing electrolytes 
your honor 
i dip my junk in the fondue 
told boring stories, show my blonde pubes 
i’m from the church of Satan’s archdiocese 
so i fart fire pits on her giant tits 

oh no, oh no, oh no, oh i know 
oh, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh i know 

i’m a prick 
on the ???? dialogues 
and my day’s minutiae gets micro-blogged
eel doesn’t smell like ?? dog??
in gray Pumas 
i look like Sideshow Bob 
i urinate in what the cod-fish swims in 
who was to think, i’m God’s gift to women 
flirting (?) with about 30 asian chicks with herniated disks 
eating turkey bacon bits 

‘n___’ 
‘oh hey boo, how you been?’ 
‘oh, oh. i saw you at the Cannes Film Festival.’ 
‘nah that wasn’t me. you didn’t see me down there, nuh-uh baby.’ 
‘oh, yes.’ 
‘you talkin’ bout cannes? you a cunt.’ 
‘tell me about it.’ 
‘i saw you gettin’ jiggy as sunday with no pants on.’* 
‘in highlind?’ 
‘mhmm’ 
‘hm, do tell. i bought those shoes also, for 30 euros, at the Champs-Élysées.’ 
‘nigga, please. these shoes? this cummerbund? oh step, hon. 
oh and by the way, the pateé?’ 
‘the pate was fabulous.’ 
‘goose liva nigga’ 
‘yes’ 

get ‘em 
oh, i know, you want my R&B hook 
oh, i know, your brains are partially cooked 
When this breaks this pillow under the gourmet kibble yer solar plexus be in this trouble hence the dribble?? it’s what’s beats forth?
my friendship like a health plan 
i take all the multi-tiered how telegram  
then the movie trailed 
i hope they get pumped up

my script writing takes 3 road? understudies 
i enjoy the convos of the water buffalo 
hoes stop and hold I’m rocks sold through the double O’s 
y’all niggas too think i’m a hot date 
with a prop 8 slashed out on my ballot box 
salad tossed into a chocolate cake cause i’m so cute 
my hoes they look at me and their water break 
babies pop out with one gold tooth 

oh no, oh no, oh no, oh i know 
oh, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh i know (x2) 
i never never repeat it over and over and over again 
i’m one of your pretentious friends 
pretentious friends 
pretentious friends (x2)